Poem by Martin Heavisides


 

Language Guide: Proverbs and Helpful Phrases

Scerzo.
Good morning.

Ro’qua-t es minevre zaes’ina Bentley?

Can you inform me please where I parked my Bentley?

Im nestja viecz munda minimu digi.
At no point do my fingers leave my hands.

Erm. . . rapetzca juncz nie asumpta sun sunt za?
Ahh. . . pardon me, but should your tire be on my foot?

Nastjo za’mboni eleganz mie omnza asta bargoni?
I like this zamboni very much but can you come down on the price?

Nie potenza ju’um pa zamina recro fetcza zi’ium.
This year we had a fine crop of chilblains.
[proverbial about a very cold winter]

Acapetza i ens’zma pret’so niamc repods insum.
That would be a fine song to sing on a barge.

Serrata ca innzo burr zi temi pi tu elast.
That knife would cut butter if you gave it enough time.

I sumza ye mino’que wie jemstva jerumzc.
We have three young children if I’m not mistaken.

Nastjo grove eleganz mie omnza asta bargoni?
I would purchase this fine walnut orchard if the price were more reasonable.
[could in fact refer to any kind of orchard, but the walnut is the national tree, and walnuts the biggest export to the world market]

Tie boucz mensa efet omna yutso zutzo patootie.
Your mouth much resembles what’s between the bride’s legs.
[dangerous in most contexts but apparently safe to say and even expected at weddings]

Im zun c’emca misnutzi ri’chumna recrimenza.
The sentence for this offence should have been much sterner.

Yaczka niens ‘Tuesday’ mirosloban.
It’s never Tuesday everywhere at once.

Ai gallivant’ca? Y’sempa re’gio aces zip nip nacja krem.
Out all night? The explanation had better be fully clothed.

Si niemska IQ rizup ez’ipa imbec.

If you were a little smarter you’d be a moron.

Nastjo citron eleganz mie omnza asta bargoni?

Perhaps you could sell me this fine bag of lemons cheaper?

Nastjo legumci cylindr miest aspacia celebrativo.

That and a can of beans will get you plenty of room at a party.

Insum’ca ovima c’e che insecta pourc’eve.
Let’s hope the boll weevils don’t get at it.

Zie eftz’ca promiscu sa mie relatza.

She sleeps with everyone and his cousin.

Sie equu promiscu es ta’a gros vaga.
He’d sleep with a horse if you bet him enough.

Ay aja ha! Testica ja si srumca nie.
It’s been a day in some respects.

Adante.

Good night.

 

Artwork © Sally Deskins

Artwork © Sally Deskins

 

Martin Heavisides is the author of eight full length plays, one, Empty Bowl, published in The Linnet’s Wings and given a live reading by Living Theatre in New York), two one acts and a good number of ten minute plays; short stories, flash fiction, poetry, which has been published in Sein Und Werden, The Linnet’s Wings, FRiGG, Mad Hatter’s Review, Pure Slush, Journal of Compressed Creativity among others.

Sally Deskins is an artist and writer focusing on perspectives of women including her own. She’s been published internationally and exhibited nationally and has curated several exhibitions and books.

 

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