Jagged Thought #114: The Ghost Inside


 

Depression hits like a bomb
In the gut
You think you’re up
Well guess what
Just like that you plummet
To the butt of a gun
You become the punchline
Of every joke
Of every day gone past
With longing and lack
With a world that only smiles
Then laughs at your back
Puts the kick me sign right on you
And that’s that
But when it’s all over there’s
No turning back
So insecurity runs like a banker or a mob
Keeps you from succeeding
Keeps you from getting a job
Makes you satisfied with loss
Licks your face and
Then spit shines on your shoes
And your with the sadness of it all
And let God give you clues
So you turn to nicotine and daily meditation
Blood in your wrists mounting
Frustration
A well of whispers denies you
And people criticize you and
You leave
Alone
With no mentor
To guide you
So you forge a path
With unseeable goals
And sadness and jealousy
Take you out of control
And you read your poetry
All thousands of your poems
And realize even with
Words
You’re still very much alone.
So sadness strikes
And your mind molds
And you wish you
Were anything
Else then you are
A fading star glimmering in the dark
With tears in your eyes
And
No guidance to guide you
You take a long sleep
And let medicine blind you.
And up goes the depression
And down goes your dreams
And you find restful sleep is all that you need
Hopefully the sun will shine
Tomorrow
Because You can’t stand the rain
And silently
You watch as life slips away.
Till you no longer breathe
And you no longer love
And you sit in on therapy
And finally go
Numb.
And you want your mind
To stop.
But somethings just can’t be
Undone
So smile and learn Spanish
And try and free your mind
But the ghost inside me
Is haunting me
Tonight.

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.