Jagged Thought #98: Zoloft tripping at 3 AM


 

3:00 AM

Serotonin syndrome.
Delinquent thinking
Lapse of day dreaming
And pink elephants
Coming at me while I’m sleeping.

Toilets flushing all over the digital waves
Breathing seeping.
“You’re not hallucinating,
You’re just having bad dreams”
My friends wasting away
In a toxic flood zone
Blues and lights and bullets in red zones
YouTube sonic waves of blue and grey
“God loves me” says the ocean
“It will be OK.”

The nature got me nervous
On MSNBC
So I result to the sanctity of
The Caribbean Sea

The Internet told me this would happen
The Internet doesn’t lie.
At least not about meds.
Talked to the pharmacist at CVS
I said I hadn’t picked up my prescriptions for benzrotropine and serteline

Came in to visit him with sweats and flu like symptoms….

3:15 AM

Medicinal victims!

Head trippers because we’re
Constant thinkers!
Depressionists and Compulsionists
All day video thinkers!
Pornologists and Sophocles
Maniacs with synaptic censors!
We the chosen
To be mind eroding, constantly questioning our life’s over all the others!

Us lithium brothers and sisters!

We weren’t born medicinal.

So I don’t take my serteline for two days
And I sweat like a junkie?
Give me it now med man
I’ll give you all my money.

Sorry I didn’t bow to your beck and call
Mr. Zoloft
I was painting the halls and scraping the doors
Sanding the floors
And taking a test drive

to try and buy a car to even more complicate my life.

I thought it was the chimichurri steak
And I had a stomach ache
This nausea and poor vision
Because of two days without my medicine?

Give me your money
Pill junkie.
Man, I’m not your lackey, Mr. Big Medicine
It’s three a.m.
And I can’t sleep
Cause of the hallucinations in my head.

Why is every dream a nightmare?
And every water tap a ghost?
I’ll tell you why,
Cause I missed two doses..
of medicine.

The Internet told me to expect a wild ride.
Watch out for the signs of sertraline suicide.
Watch out for the night tremors.
And the feelings of bugs on your skin.
I thought I was taking an anti-depressant
Not withdrawing from heroin.

3:30 AM

So here I am three am
My senses peaked
My wife sound asleep
And me and the digital sea
Trying to sleep to dream.

Because I love to dream.

So yeah, Nausea…check
              Nightmares…check
              Hallucinations…check.

Just waiting for the thoughts of suicide… Not because I want to…
Just because that’s how the mind works right?

Two days without sertraline and benzrotopine.

The Internet. It does not lie.

The side effects of a wired mind.
The side effects of a lid on loose
Screws not screwed in too tight.

The side effects of a brilliant mind.
The side effects of shining lights.
The vibrancy of chaotic excellence
The unspoken affliction of our greatest inventors and presidents.

We all can say that at our best
We are 100 and ten above all the rest
And at our worst we sing songs like Oberst
Which is still 100 and ten above the rest
And the brightest eyes or the lowest voices
still have sang the most memorable choruses
Cause whether you sing about
A bowl of oranges…
Or oranges from Florida
You remain the strongest voices…

At least
in my head

and thank god that it’s not voices of killers that swim in my head
But folk singers and rappers like Mos Def.

Yeah I have the occasional ghostly doom that encompasses me in my midnight room but thank god that I have so many voices…that I have choices…that when the static of death appears

I can channel it out with Atmosphere

And thank god their songs stick with me when I feel like it’s all over, or the walls are closing in and the corridors are getting closer.

Because every word you sing.
Cosmic fathers and distant cousins
Makes me realize
That all this suffering has to be for something
And that if the beautiful minds
Think like yours or mine.

Then I think I have found meaning
In my suffering.

And it isn’t to be a medicinal victim.
I don’t know what it is.
But it’s not that.

No it’s not that.
I think right now it’s for me to prepare for some more chaotic dreams

As the Caribbean Sea drifts me off to sleep.

October 26, 2016
4 Am

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.

 

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