Jagged Thought #82: Every Day is a New Day


 

I never belonged here.

Always been absinthe in the tooth
a cavity that needed to be filled.

Forgotten, pilled/Medicated, lifted.

Sinking into abysmal grief.

This cocoon of negativity

brings on the eight foot angels
The bright blue butterflies
come circling.

I dreamt that coffin singing.

I dreamt that I was drowning.

And I woke up

Underneath the sea

seizures taking over my body

a little left to live.

A science I can not quite understand.

A loser with a pen that records

each word.

Because memories left me long ago

and although my pain

is killing me,

You see an empty shell someone to laugh at. To kick. To prod. To examine. To poor me, your spare change.

She asked, do you remember me?

We were 18 once

We had dreams.

We sat by the stream,

passed the weed,

Went to sleep
left me again.

They always leave.

My sadness is catching on like

a cold. A wood burning stove
Be proud they say
Yay ADA

Yeah we say it loud,

And no one even knows why we shout.

They just see lames, unfortunates, crying liberty

They see Social Security checks,

On the welfare steps.

They don’t see us.

We don’t see us.

And no amount of neuro psych witchcraft

Will save me.

I am loser, lost, losing

But one time I was king.

Mania fill my cup again.

I want to be a part of your world

But I am pretty sure admission is full

And you are over capacity

This world was never meant for me

But my clouded judgement will continue

And I know this will pass.

And when you have no memory

Every day is a new day.

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.

 

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