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Jagged Thought #81: 93 till Infinity

 

I don’t think
anyone cares
at all
about me.

Maybe I haven’t been
the best friend to mankind

Too wrapped up in
my own carnage
too wrapped up in
my own disease
one I can’t talk about freely.
‘Cause believe me
Freedom isn’t me.

My classified reads

“Disabled man
Seeking friendship
For the promised land”

Sinking into depression.
Feeling no love.
No drug
can bring me up.

It’s funny how they label you.
Like its ok.
But unless you are physically disabled
you must try and stay the same.

I really don’t care anymore.

Trying To Be You Didn’t Work.
Trying To Be Me Doesn’t Work.

Can’t talk about the rat trap
underneath this ball cap.

How I’ve lost control
and don’t know anymore
where to go.

And if you would let me sit with you
And just give me a hug
show me  a little love
And show me
That I matter
at all

I might be happy.

Where have you all gone?
at one time you were word is bond.

And friendship was legit
and slowly everyone left
as I got sick.

Now I feel alone
and friendless

This sickness has swallowed me completely
and I don’t think I give a fuck. Anymore.

About you.
Or about me.
Or this disease.
Or 93 till infinity.
Or poetry.

How I would sign my life away
if you promised

It would be quick and pain free.

I’m done with you
and I’m done with me.

What a waste of talent

sick in summer’s silence.

 

Jason Wright is the founder and Editor of Oddball Magazine. His column appears weekly.

 

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Poem by Kenyatta Jean-Paul Garcia

 

Creation

                             “Oh city when nothing will exist . . .”
                                                                    Alice Notley

Will it be okay?
Transcendental wild oats sown have been reaped, harvested
ground to grain
fed as cereal
from Northeast through Midwest
into the desert.

Disenfranchised and privileged
file complaints
and grace may come
but fortune favors fate
in this most possible of worlds
where free will has its limits
and beginnings forgotten
come from endings
* * *
Another apology
has been put on order

Melody was wrong to suppose
love had a song
strong enough
to oppose and draw out
faces to rival unflinching
necessity of survival

And furthermore,
the gravity
of upkeeping
           creation.

 

Photography © Allison Goldin
Photography © Allison Goldin

 

Kenyatta Jean-Paul Garcia is the author of This Sentimental Education, Yawning on the Sands and ROBOT. Kenyatta has a degree in linguistics and has studied several living and dead languages. Garcia is the editor of Altpoetics and Sparks of Consciousness and has been published in BLazeVOX, Eccolinguistics and ditch.

Allison Goldin is an artist living in California. Her work is a collection of spontaneous drawings from the imagination. The most common link throughout her art are the semi-recognizable creatures scattered amongst and bringing together the surrounding doodles.

 

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Two Poems by John Grey

 

Joe Turns Forty

There’s forty and then there’s death.
The skin tells the teeth to get ready.
Eyes turn full circle in their sockets.
Nothing like watching a brain shrink.
Time has better things to do
than waste itself on sagging muscle.
It goes out on the town with young people,
leaves behind clocks to baby-sit their parents.
But Joe can still get a leg over from time to time.
And he just made vice-president.
There’s forty and then there’s forty one.
Death hands out years begrudgingly.

 

Photography © Ira Joel Haber
Photography © Ira Joel Haber

 

Honky-Tonk

I spend my nights
drinking beer and listening
to the jukebox.
Glass of frothy amber,
Merle Haggard…
they have me to rights.
I’m nothing I’ve ever done
just one drunken head among many,
swaying, shaking, jerking, to the music.
This is deliberate.
Not claiming it for a great existence
but when someone says.
who’s for forgetting
every miserable moment
in their lives
up until now,
I put my hand up.
It’s the last thing
I remember doing.

 

John Grey is an Australian poet, US resident. Recently published in New Plains Review, Big Muddy and Spindrift with work upcoming in South Carolina Review, Gargoyle, Sanskrit and Louisiana Literature.

Ira Joel Haber was born and lives in Brooklyn. He is a sculptor, painter, book dealer, photographer and teacher. His work has been seen in numerous group shows both in USA and Europe and he has had 9 one man shows including several retrospectives of his sculpture. His work is in the collections of The Whitney Museum Of American Art, New York University, The Guggenheim Museum, The Hirshhorn Museum and The Albright-Knox Art Gallery. Since 2007 His paintings, drawings, photographs and collages have been published in over 160 on line and print magazines. He has received three National Endowment for the Arts Fellowships, two Pollock-Krasner grants, the Adolph Gottlieb Foundation grant and, in 2010, he received a grant from Artists’ Fellowship Inc. He currently teaches art to retired public school teachers at The United Federation of Teachers program in Brooklyn.

 

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Stone Soup Servings Presents: Ron Goba

 

Stone Soup Servings is a regular series for Oddball Magazine that features upcoming performers at Stone Soup Poetry, the long-running spoken word venue in the Boston area that has partnered with Oddball Magazine. Stone Soup Poetry now meets from 7-9 p.m. every Monday at the Out of The Blue Art Gallery’s new location at 541 Massachusetts Avenue in Central Square Cambridge, Massachusetts. The open mike sign-up at 6:30 p.m.

On June 26, Ron Goba returns to Stone Soup. He has been performing at multiple venues this year, presenting new poems specifically written for each reading. Read below for the first poem in his Stone Soup selection for Monday, and be in the audience to hear the rest.

 

mild metronome wild pendulum
bellybulge babyburst
feetup pats patting PoPo
her laugh left here
grieve saying how
wildschildren play
gifting glee to awesinnerear
breast milk succor
countrys homey bits
Fire feeding fire
citys cramped flits
knits topflight fictions
Isaac begging God
barrens Rebekah wombs twins
blackstype inkstape
clears spotons
smears napkins
gardens territorial toad
tigers bogus jungle
misfits sniffs whiffs rim
vims weary vigor
I see tree
watch leaves fall
listen to Vivaldi
foursquarevicissitudes
arts natural flair
ears eclair photos
pléiads plain pairs
carpe diems duo
constellations shrunk septet
sonnetlessSue
the flesh language of
loves starless sitting room (who
hears calendars
design) I cant
but conceive roots
maximums diverges
minimums mine
No Ideas but in Things
no things but in ideas
no ideas but in ideas
no things but in things
no rings around rings
no one cant but sing
but Ronsard snatched
elevates lyrics
Herrick hatched off
on guard gathers rosebuds
time flying flowers smile
tomorrow dying Yes Yeats
we grow old at
evening in
candles light
ripples echoes waves wares
pots dots flecks speckles
wars horses hacks kneeds
stipels clay I cant re
call no more
who says what
to whom
why births times knots
get me by
thethroat (should
it have been
grab
seize) paws
pour dust
rust busts free
wallow whacks wall
round spheres circle spheres
dead poets dance
brain grows dizzy
busys reels fizzys fizzes
fuzzys frizzies frescoes
force fuses feast
splits eddys spit open
expectorates excrescent beast
OldSunsMaximals FillUpsGlass
NimietysMinimals mono
tones polyphonic gestates
pears geminates (whose
feeble whose
careless whos
responsible) fecklessSun
chewsoutsmog hows in
deeds indeedhow I said it at
The Armory The Cantab
aint so quaint no more
not only now new
but alls
so same bird bathed
sheers novel novice
navels nervy postulate
betcha asses IsaiahGlass
freshgrass pigeons master
piece pass lyrics asorta
narrate dragsnags duds
drudgeries drowses rouses
entices spices circum
sizes slices nices
nicest ether ore harp
sichordic license
gnats gnaws species wizardawe
vices TheEmperor of
IceCream to sneeze
to please passage to nostril
achoo to swallow wholes
hold brines naughty flute
nasals haughty fugato
snorts vibratory ooze
ones sheetlessstreetbooze
sobers un
in
hales stingyairs
fat FloraFawnys potluckbuttuck
flat u lents curtdirt
gossipsgas flauntsflautistflaws
WintersWarble SpringsTrills SummersStarling
AutumnsMonody spontaneousPans
singsongsolosames at to in
manysouls asif one
Sues death (is
love over
with
in hearts elegy
does odes ElgarCello prove goes
on) meadows valleys waters
falls faces rivers
lets mouth drinksin
earlysmorningash
loves last laugh
her smile still shooing woe

 

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A Twist of JP Lime: Prof is Getting Married – A Groom’s Perspective

 

This week, we focus a new series focusing on the personal life of one of their members upcoming Big Change…

 

Save the Date finalWe’re under four months to go now, four months from the biggest and most important life decision I’ve made thus far, four months from Happily Everson After. Yes, that’s right, I am getting married this coming October (!!) and between now and then I’ll be bringing you here at #JPLMagazine a few volumes of ‘A Groom’s Perspective’, providing an insight into the under-spoken half of the nuptial process. I am not your ordinary groom. No idle passenger am I on this wedding ride, as any who know me might expect.

We intend to relish our big night and I am fortunate enough to have a fiancée whose composure and low level of girl-crazy actually allows me to enjoy this process and actively participate. A note to other ladies/future brides: I’ll not judge (much) in these columns, I know your wedding is a day you’ve been dreaming about since you were little and the desire for it to be special, perfect even, is completely understandable. But many of you take the wedding process as an opportunity to over-indulge your girl-crazy, pissing off your friends and alienating your man because you feel it is your right as a bride. But this is a day about two people and some of us fellas (not all, mind you) actually want to contribute. This has been a public service announcement on behalf of grooms everywhere. Moving on…

I’ll aim to keep as much attention as possible off of my fiancée AJ, as she is not much one for the spotlight, though I seek it like Superman deriving his power from Earth’s yellow sun. Opposites attract, yin and yang and all that. engagement @ www.JPLimeProductions.comI will say that she is my perfect beautiful companion and I am lucky she said yes. We got engaged last year on Valentine’s Day, the ten year anniversary of our first date. It happened on the Bow Bridge in Central Park and it all went according to my plan, other than slipping on the snow right as she walked up and nearly busting my ass. But my plan of a series of signs, held up by the settled snow, went off as I hoped and seemed to genuinely take her by surprise. She often quotes herself as not being able to collect herself enough to say “Yes” to my knee-bent request, instead fumbling out a “naahdfumpha- sure”. We then rode around Central Park in a horse-drawn carriage, happily hazed by the step we had just taken in our life together.

That was 16 months ago and we are now heavily in the middle of the wedding process. And you know what? We’re still enjoying it! We have secured our venue, our dj, our photographer, our videographer, and our officiant. ‘Save the Date’s have come and gone, we have a website, a registry, an Instagram account and even a hashtag (#HappilyEversonAfter). It’s a daunting amount of preparation, regardless of your personal style, but if broken into pieces and handled as a team, it’s all totally manageable. Naturally, we gravitated first to Music, one of the earliest and strongest bonds that AJ and I share. Rooted in classic rock, thrilled and aerated by funk, with a mix of Hip Hop, the 90’s, and various decades of Soul, our musical selections needed to be a central part of our night. After shopping around a bit, we were fortunate to land a DJ who is an old friend of mine, a preference we’ve shared for the entire experience whenever possible. We began a playlist on Spotify, which I am then able to share with our DJ, Will, and every few days it grows as another essential tune crosses our minds. I won’t ruin all the fun musical surprises but I’ll reveal a few:
AJ will walk down the aisle to the love song from Disney’s ‘Robin Hood’, “Love” by Nancy Adams and we are toying with the idea of exiting to “God Gave Rock n Roll to You” by KISS. Dinner will include both “Seven Bridges Road” by the Eagles and “Pepper” by Butthole Surfers. There is also a rumor of a “Time Warp” halfway through the night. A Rock n Roll fairy tale indeed.

The Location

We allowed ourselves quite a bit of time at the beginning of our engagement to think and dream and browse ideas, without feeling like we needed to hurry into a place or date. We’d already been together a decade, what could possibly be the rush? We visited a dozen venues in all areas of Massachusetts and even a few out-of-state options, some visits shorter than others (sorry to the lady we ditched while waiting for our meeting at an unnamed but lovely country club; we just knew it wasn’t for us.) Our list of necessities included an outdoor ceremony with a reception at the same location, easily accessible bathrooms (especially for our numerous handicapped guests), and somewhere that would show off the Fall atmosphere AJ was envisioning. Beyond these, our only real defining question was “Can we picture it? Can we see ourselves getting married here?” right sideWe found what we were looking for in the Warren Conference Center in Ashland, MA, a fantastic place that we look forward to making our own. Part of Northeastern University, the Center features sprawling grounds with several ceremony locations and can facilitate up to 250 guests. The on-site hotel accommodations which include a 49-room Inn and five 10-person cabins are located a 5-minute walk from the reception location, Hayden Lodge. We knew soon into our visit that it was the right setting for us, our visions quickly filled with lights and colors and reveling guests. We shall laugh and drink and dance the night away.

The Suits

We have a pretty big wedding party with 6 groomsmen and bridesmaids each, an active group who have already lent a great deal of help to our big event. One bridesmaid helped design the Save-the-Dates, another is hosting the bridal shower at her house, while our Maid of Honor has been tirelessly working to organize it all from a state away. For the guys, well, we haven’t had to do much yet but the time is now upon us. The girls all have their dresses, a well-coordinated array of heights and shapes with slight variances in color, and it’s time for the guys to get dapper. I haven’t yet made my final choice in attire but I have a solid idea what I do and don’t want. Here’s what I’ve got so far: We’re definitely going with suits, three-piece and gray in color. I had been imagining something dark, charcoal perhaps but the more I browse the more I think we’ll be heading toward something lighter. I very much like the idea of buying our suits instead of renting if the group cost is comparable but that’ll require some more shopping and some wheeling and dealing. I want something smooth and modern with style without looking like a Sunday NFL Countdown anchor. It’s time to suit up.

The Best Man

The way I see it, my Best Man selection could have gone no other way. In asking my brothers to split the title I am turning to two of the people I trust most in the world. They know me best, are my strongest supporters and harshest critics, and I value their insight. Though younger than me they are both married with kids and will serve as lifelong examples and stewards for my marriage.
In the world of a wedding, the best man is responsible for a few things such as planning the bachelor party and holding the rings before the ceremony. In some circles they are also responsible for scheduling a set of 2-3 songs with the DJ that are just for the girls during which the guys step outside and have a round of cigars. Some requirements may vary. But the Best Man’s biggest and most formidable duty is certainly The Speech. Advice on a good Best Man’s Speech is readily available and easily disseminated but often much harder to follow. Even for the most comfortable public speakers amongst us (and I speak here from personal experience), the emotion of the day can add significant difficulty to the focused responsibility. My two words of advice: Keep it short and write it down. Here’s some more solid advice from The Art of Manliness.

As you may be able to tell I am a groom that is very much looking forward to the big day. There is still plenty of work to be done and decisions yet to be made. One detail we haven’t nailed down is our wedding cake. Then again, we’ve been to two weddings recently where the couples have foregone the cake altogether and none of us noticed until after it was all over. Is the wedding cake a fading tradition? Perhaps, especially with the newer tradition of an additional dessert. Assuming we actually do a cake though, should I smoosh it into my then wife’s face? Probably, right? Ok cool, thanks.

I’ll be back soon with another installment of ‘A Groom’s Perspective’, updating on more details of our big day including our concert ticket themed invitations, Lyric Lantern centerpieces and plans for our Halloween in New Orleans honeymoon adventure. Be sure to follow me @DrProfEsq on Twitter and Instagram and share all your wedding stories and advice as we move ever closer to our own personal Rock n Roll fairy tale with dinner and dancing.