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Alpha Jesus by Chad Parenteau and Text Face by TJ Edson


Alpha Jesus

Alpha Jesus wants us to know
he can kick our asses
any time he wants to.
He’s just letting us kill him.

Alpha Jesus makes his last
phone call to Mel Gibson
so he can pitch a sequel
to Passion of The Christ
where the corpse continues
to bleed long after death
until he drowns Jerusalem,
which he keeps picturing
as being much bigger this time.

Alpha Jesus tells us
he’s going to return from death
like an action movie hero

His very yawn will invoke
a non-CGI explosion
to turn whatever third world country
serving as his headstone
into nothing but glass.

Alpha Jesus says he could hammer
the nails to his own cross
with his giant cock.
He dares you to dare him to try.


Like Chad’s Poem? See more of his work at

text face by TJ Edson © 2013

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Negative Sex Jesus by Chad Parenteau and Green Notes by T.J Edson


Negative Sex Jesus

Negative Sex Jesus
says he just hasn’t
met the right girl,
but when he says it,
it first gets taken
as gospel, then
It’s one reason why
Negative Sex Jesus
has never dated.

Negative Sex Jesus
thought he had prospects
in Mary Madelene,
but then he said
she reminded him
of his Mother Mary,
freaking out both
Marys in the process.

Negative Sex Jesus
has a lot of virgins
who want to be his friend.
His reaction to them
is much like any person
marching in abstinence rallies
out of circumstance,
instead of choice.

Negative Sex Jesus
likes frustrated virgins
much better. He knows
he could get a good dozen
or so together for a party,
but he has bigger goals
in mind, smaller groupings,
maybe a little wine
to calm himself down.



Chad Parenteau 

See more of Chad Parenteau’s work at


Green Notes by TJ Edson

Green Notes by TJ Edson
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Anti-Matter Jesus by Chad Parenteau and Digitally Unknown by T.J Edson


Anti-Matter Jesus

Anti-Matter Jesus has never
returned to our universe
because he cannot touch
the positive mattered masses
to heal them without causing
explosive catastrophe.

If Anti-Matter Jesus
ever showed up, he’d
have no beard, very
short hair, and a stance
on politics most today
would call centrist.

If Anti-Matter Jesus
came back at the same time
as Positive Matter Jesus,
neocons would gravitate
to Anti-Matter Jesus.

Then, they would
orchestrate an arrest
of Positive Matter Jesus,
followed by an attempt
to cure his socialist ways
by having Anti-Matter Jesus
do a laying of hands.

This pear-to-mushroom
shaped scenario is what
makes Anti-Matter Jesus
wake up in the bright night
of his own universe,
coated in warm sweat.

A prophet is without honor
in his hometown,
or in a universe
of opposing energy.
This suits Antimatter Jesus
right down to the core.


Digitally Untitled by T.J Edson
Digitally Untitled by T.J Edson