The Return of Tales of an Unemployed Waiter


Alright, so I have to write about this. So I had a few tables today but what is more important was how many times there were reasons why to bring back the Waiter series. So my first table was two girls two years younger then me. They were celebrating because one had bought a car, and the other bought a house. I gave them the web address to check out my blog, so actually they could be reading this right now. They were cool, gave me a great tip, and were New Yorkers and Bostonians. One had a cool hat. They were familiar with Troy where I was born, as well as fishfrys. I said “did you know that Troy is the birth place of Uncle Sam,” Then I continued that I knew that because I saw a sign between a crack house and a fish fry joint.” It’s a great day when you can say “crack house” and still get a good tip. O.k, so when they said they were celebrating I said to them. “Congratulations, you have a new house and you have a new car. I live in an apartment, and don’t have even a bike. Plus I need new shoes. They laughed, and cool. Great table.

This all can be blamed on the swig of energy drink I had before the shift. The next table was even better, it was a table of a daughter and her Mother, and I realize this now, that I kept on referring to her daughter as “him”. So, the kid and her mother were playing horses. There were four of them. One of the horses looked bionic, and had guns on it’s hooves. I said that was a great horse. They said oh, we got them at a yard sale. I began thinking about how many times I had bought defective things from a garage sale. One being a bike with no brakes, that gave me considerable problems when I was younger, and dare I say, smarter. I mean, I was smart before this bike, caused me to break my head open. 13 stitches like the NOFX song.

Anyway, getting back to the story. I noticed that one of the bionic horses legs didn’t work. I said, “you know in real life, a horse with a broken hoof, wouldn’t be able to race well, and would probably….and I stopped myself. The mother caught my drift and said, “oh were ready to order”. I said “fantastic!”. Dodged a bullet there, even if the horse wouldn’t.

While I was waiting in a different section, I noticed a customer in another section with an eye patch. A honest to god, eye patch. I loved it, all of a sudden my mind was swimming with all sorts of funny things to say, regarding that eye patch. Ar, order a drink or i’ll make you walk the plank.. Or what can I get you you scurvy dog. It helps to now that this guy wasn’t very nice according to L-. L-(waited on him).

The last funny thing I said involved Eskimos. The reason was a credit card that said Alaska Airlines. I said to the woman, “wow, I’ve seen this only once or twice before.” She said, “Yeah it is an airline who flies to Alaska and Seattle.” And she then said something about how it had an igloo on the card. Which immediatley had me talking about Eskimos. I said “Wow, Eskimos,” They live in ice houses” Meaning I wouldn’t mind living in such an Ice House. Then I said how you never hear about Eskimos very much. After that I had the tune brick house in my head, while changing the words to “Eskimos live in an/ Ice House, oh mighty, mighty, just letting it all hang out”

Today was amusing.

Just another Jagged Thought by Jason

7 thoughts on “The Return of Tales of an Unemployed Waiter

    1. manthestorm3

      It had a big neon sign that flashed Crack House,Just kidding, it coudld have been an opium den, all i know was the windows were boarded up, so it could have been a crack house, but most likely it was just dilapitated, or it could have been just a really rough area, anyway, the fish fry was great, and I was born there…not the crackhouse, for all points forward it was an opium den. better?

      Like

Tell us what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s